gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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