gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Houston, we have a blender
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
