Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
