my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i will never coherently bang her
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
