I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
