i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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