I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
