I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
