He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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