We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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