On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
