Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
