Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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