don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
