I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
