i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
