she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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