my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She bit a glass in half.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
