today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
