he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
home. puking in laundry basket.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
