2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
