I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
