Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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