are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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