Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
