hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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