you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
