My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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