was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
