so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
