I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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