Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
