Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
