You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
