We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
