I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
