I looked at my own cervix.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
