I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
