I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We were destined to go to rehab together
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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