i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
