Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
