The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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