It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I want is dick and wine.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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