You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
