it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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