is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got inside last night via doggy door
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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