I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
COCAINE IS GR8
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