careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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