DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
