I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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