I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
