glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
