Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have fence marks all over my body
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
